Overcoming Envy: A Guide for Actors and Performers

By understanding and managing envy, we can turn it from a negative force into a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth.

A few months ago, I found myself scrolling through social media and I came across a post from an ex-colleague who now has a high-profile (and presumably well-paid) job in the arts. Cue an instant pang of envy and inadequacy. I felt confused. I knew I didn’t want her job, so why did I feel envious of her?

We live in an age of envy. But what is envy and why do we experience it? And how is envy different from jealousy? Although many people consider ‘envy’ and ‘jealousy’ synonymous, they have clear distinctions. Envy is wanting what someone else has, whereas jealousy is the fear that something you have will be taken away from you.

Actors and performers experience ebbs and flows of envy and jealousy throughout their careers. Both can be destructive and get in the way of your goals, so it’s important to learn how to manage them effectively.

Name Your Feelings

Emotions are more stressful when they’re suppressed. When we name how we feel, it reduces stress because it separates us from the feeling and helps us be more in control. Try writing down how you feel. If you feel envious, write ‘I feel envious,’ remembering that you are not your feelings or emotions. When we say ‘I am envious,’ it is much harder to separate ourselves from what we’re feeling because we make the feeling part of us. Know that the feeling will pass, just like clouds in the sky.

Discover the Clues in Your Values

We all have values that are important to us. These are tied up in everything we do and in how we show up each day. Envy is often a surface reaction prompted by something much deeper. For example, if you find out someone you went to drama school with has just signed up with a high-profile agency, the feeling of envy is pointing you towards something that matters to you i.e. being represented by someone who can get you seen for quality jobs. So this could be about honouring the value of ‘excellence’. You may also want to work with someone with whom you can forge a meaningful and productive relationship. This could be a value of ‘connection’ or ‘nurture for example.

When we connect with what is important to us, we engage the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain associated with decision-making, problem-solving, self-control, etc.). We fire up neurotransmitters that calm down the fight-or-flight response by increasing GABA (Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid). GABA blocks specific signals in our central nervous system, slowing down our brain and providing a calming effect on our brain and body. In short, our envy is pointing us to our values. In small doses, it can even be helpful because it reminds us what’s important.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Thanks to technology, we have many ways of staying connected. However, social media and WhatsApp groups have taken envy to the extreme. We are constantly bombarded by ‘Photoshopped lives,’ which exerts a toll on us, unlike anything we have ever experienced in the history of our species. This is not particularly pleasant.

This is where self-care comes in. Ask yourself each day, ‘What is it that I need today?’ Then, try to find a way to honour that. Don’t be afraid to mute people and groups, or even unfollow them. Schedule regular screen breaks and try to get outside at least once a day. Intentionally creating and curating our space is vital, especially when you want to nurture your creativity.

Transform Envy into Insight

Reflecting on my ex-colleague for a moment, I realised that while I wasn’t envious of her job, I was envious of her financial stability and status. Both things, I presume, gave her a level of freedom and responsibility. A-ha! Lightbulb moment! Both freedom and responsibility are really important to me. Once I realised that, I was able to be more mindful about how I could intentionally create more of that in my life.

Bottom line: If we can get a little curious, envy can be a lighthouse pointing us to what we need to honour so that we can live a happier, more fulfilled life.

Struggling with envy or jealousy? Contact me to arrange a free 30-minute ‘no commitment’ coaching call.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman via Pexels.